Friday, September 24, 2010

The Prison With No Walls: Day 5 & 6

I'm incarcerated in a prison with no visible form of confinement. Pain is the guard,the gatekeeper, and the warden. Escape is impossible, and thinking about such a thing is the act of a madman. My prison has no walls, because it needs no walls. Trying to move beyond its borders can leave one broken and bawling uncontrollably for all to see. And they all do see. I am surrounded by a sea of people who are all aware of my suffering. The tears streaming down my cheeks are spelling out an SOS, but no one comes to provide aide. I am plain view, but I'm invisible. I am truly alone. Strangers stop and stare. I hate their eyes on me. I feel like a caged animal who is poked, prodded, and observed by all. And all I want to do is escape. Escape! Escape! Escape! The thought fills my mind and I am slowly becoming the madman I mentioned earlier. My craving for release from this confinement is eating me up like battery acid. Have you figures out the riddle yet? Do you what my prison is? My prison, my cage is.... a wheelchair.
Yes, I'm surrounded by people so I'm not truly alone. But, only a few of these people actually take action to help me. These are the people that I love, cherish, and appreciate for all their help and support. The majority of the people I've interacted with though, are uncaring and stare with the cold, dead eyes like those of the fish in a fish market. There are few bright lights out in the world that give me hope though. They make me weep, because of their unexpected kindness. While others are oblivious and wrapped up in their own worlds these amazing people see a need and provide help. My dad and I witnessed this today when we were struggling with some doors at the movie theaters after seeing The Town (Highly recommend). At the inner doors of the building, people stared, as my father wrestled with the challenge of holding the door upon and trying to pull me in a wheelchair through the door. Meanwhile, I'm clutching me knee in pain and trying to not thinking about the current, bumpy ride I was on. No one came up to lend a hand. NO ONE CARED! This thought hit me like a smack in the face and got my blood boiling. But, then something amazing happened. Upon reaching the front door, a woman (who had been sitting and resting on the handlebars of her walker and was clearly very tired) saw or predicament, got up, limped over, and helped us. I was shocked and amazed. I never thought help would come from such a place. I mean she could barely even walk. God had shown me yet another lesson.
By the end of this I'm sure my outlook on life will different, but not only because of the cancer or the pain. The experiences I have had and will have and the people I have met and will meet I will be a changed human being.


  1. Romans 12:13- "When Gods people are in need, be ready to help them." <3

    Revelations 21:4- "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." <3

  2. Kyler, you have a battle ahead of you and your family and friends will be there always to support you. God will be beside you, loving you, teaching you.
    Be patient with people, they just don't know how to respond, sometimes you just need to ask for help and they will be there-I promise you.

    all my love Kyler

    Aunt Linda

  3. He is tremendously patient. He just sees how sad it is that people have become complacent with what is around them. As his mom I've realized we don't need to teach him a thing he is teaching us. I am humbled by his humility and transparency. He has incredible faith and strength to remain steadfast to God's plan for his life. I think he just wants us to listen and to be encouraged by God's word.

  4. Could it be that the woman leaning against the rail was an angel??? Well... in that situation she was even if she wasn't. The things that God is showing you at such a young age and the teachable willing heart that you have is truly a reflection of a boy after God's own heart. Being truthful and still seeing God through the pain is a godly attribute that not even most adults can claim. We miss you here. I miss seeing your fo-hawk and smile in the Coffee Shop buying a the midst of this season know that your church family would love nothing more than to invade MD Anderson and have some wheel chair races and play murder in the dark with you. We love you, your faithful heart and your family.

  5. wow Kyler. i heard about this about 2 weeks ago and was completely taken aback. i could not believe it. i saw the link to your blog and i had to read it. you have a real talent for writing. it is truly incredible and captivating to read. it puts your situation in a much sharper focus and enlightens the rest of us what youre really going through. you are such a good guy and i dont think there is a person out there that knows you and isnt praying for you. may God heal you. youre in our prayers

  6. I am just someone who is praying for you.

  7. Kyler, you are truly an amazing person and a wonderful writer.
    i wish i had that talent. I miss you being here and i miss you making fun of me :) i hope you're sleeping with a teddy bear and i hope the food at the Ronald McDonald House is better than hospital food. I'm so sorry about the constant pain that you're in, it makes me sad just thinking about it but i just have to keep reminding myself that God has a wonderful plan for you! You're and your mom are constantly on my my mind and i just can't wait until you get better and come home so i can see you again!

    so much love,